I watched with sleepless eyes as the dawn broke the crest of the distant mountains. Very slowly the dim gray sky was breaking away as the first rays of sunlight stretched out over a sleeping world. I folded my arms over my bare chest, being vaguely aware of the coldness in the room, but it was more like an after thought that held no real importance, just like the birth of a new day before my eyes. Briefly I remembered when I found the dawn to be a beautiful thing, something that I had always looked forward to seeing whenever a chance, but now it didn't mean a thing to me anymore. I wasn't struck with awe or a sense of serenity like in the past, and I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Mmn..." someone sighed sleepily from the shadows of the darkened room behind me, followed by the sound of shifting sheets.

Glancing over my shoulder I saw my companion rolling over onto her stomach among a tangle of sheets and a comforter. I saw her perfectly in the darkness. Her face was half-buried into a pillow with her eyes shut. Her long dark hair spilled out over her smooth bare shoulders and the blankets covering most of her slender naked body. She was beautiful, but it was only when she was sleeping was when she looked like an angel that would possess as much innocence as she does beauty, but that was hardly the truth. In her waking moments she was a vulgar and aggressive as a demon.

I turned back to the window, wondering exactly how I came to be in this room with this girl, and how we had come to know each other. We shared an odd relationship that wasn't bound by friendship or love, even though at times it seemed like it, just by the way we treated each other. We would talk like we were long time friends and sometimes tease each other playfully as if we were a couple, but both of us knew that all that meant nothing. It was nothing. I suppose that in some strange way, we were exactly the same, but just flip flopped in the sides we choose to present ourselves; but no matter how we reveal ourselves to the world, the choices we make and the strength of our conviction was the same - we held onto an ideal that impossible to reach.

"You're awake? God damn it's early." I heard her call out quietly followed by a sleepy yawn. "I thought you'd be tired out after all that."

"I didn't feel like sleeping." I replied as I continued to stare out the window, even though I didn't care what was out there.

"I hate it when that happens. It's a real bitch."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

She laughed with her sensual voice. "Of course not. I make sure to wash my mouth out with soap first."

I heard her moving behind me before feeling her arms slip under mine gently. I unfolded my arms as I let her hands cross over my chest. She held me in a light embrace and I found myself suddenly aware of the warmth of her body and the softness of her breasts as she pressed up against me from behind. She kissed the back of my shoulder before resting her head against my back.

"Have a lot on your mind?" she asked. "It's too early for that shit."

"No... I just couldn't sleep. It'll catch up to me later on."

I lied. Truthfully, I did have a lot in my mind. For the past few days I've been wondering why I choose to associate myself with this girl.

I still remember the day we met weeks ago on a grassy hill overlooking an empty dirt parking lot. It was on a cool afternoon and the sky was a mixture of orange and red as the sun was setting on the distant horizon, past the shadowy figures of the downtown skyscrapers. That day I had felt inclined to take a walk, perhaps out of sheer boredom or perhaps because I had a lot on my mind, I couldn't quite remember. I found her there alone with a gym bag beside her, just watching the sun fall.

It was a strange meeting. The two of us just stared at each other in silence for a moment, with both of us looking surprised that there was another person in such a deserted place so late in the day. I finally broke the silence with a smile and a friendly greeting, and almost immediately she practically ordered me to stay with her for a little while. I was taken aback from her forwardness, and even though I disliked people like that I couldn't help but answer her request, but not because she was attractive... I suppose, it was because I sensed something familiar with her and I wanted to find out what that was.

Initially I already had a good sense on what kind of person this girl was. She was pushy, arrogant, somewhat thoughtless, and very blunt - in short, she was the kind of person I really hated, and in the passing weeks she only confirmed my suspicions in the few times we've been together. However, there were a few rare moments where she would briefly show a different side of herself. It was a side of her that she kept well-hidden, almost as well as I did with my own other self.

But still... I didn't know why I kept answering her calls. We weren't friends, nor did we share any close feelings for one another, and even though we have casual conversations, we hardly knew a thing about each other... and I found it odd how we didn't feel curious enough to ask each other such questions. She was just her and I was just me. We were two people in this world, like two stars that shared the same sky but never connecting... but there was one thing I did know about her, and that was her dream... and like my own, it was a dream that would probably never become a reality.

"Come back to bed." she whispered beckoningly. "I'm hungry."

I smirked. "Really now."

What was I doing? Why was I here? I didn't understand why or how this has happened to me. A part of me wanted to leave and never come back, but the other side of me refused to move. I knew that this girl was just using me. I was just a means for her own release while I on the other hand was never satisfied. Pleasure was just a temporary thing, but it never was something that fufilled me. No one ever did. Yet even though I couldn't gain anything from this girl I didn't know why I kept doing what she wanted. There was nothing between us, so why? Was there a reason, and if there was, what was it? Perhaps I pitied her for being this way... or was it the other way around? Either way, I couldn't help but wonder...

...have I really fallen so far from the person I used to be? Is this a matter of strength or weakness?

Or perhaps, I'm searching for her secret - her ability to be so free.

"Well then, what would you like for breakfast?" I asked as I turned around slowly and looked at her.

"I want the full course." she replied with a daring smile as she looked back at me.

"If you can handle it."

She laughed. "That's my line."

I watched as her eyes closed slowly. We moved closer as she pulled me into an embrace... but my eyes didn't close in turn.